just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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