Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
