yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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