Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
