His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We're too hungover to prance.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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