Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
