Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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