Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize