No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
