at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
