Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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