Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
