Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
