Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
