i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
