is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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