What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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