I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
