That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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