he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
