shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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