You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
