She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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