i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
