How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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