She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
