everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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