Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
as a side note pls kill me
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
