Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
