He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
