i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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