bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
