I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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