"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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