my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ketchup is God's man juice
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
