these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
