I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
