i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
