I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize