you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Randomize
