i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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