its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
