i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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