Your face is a jimmy john
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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