Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
