They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
