just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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