just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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