dude i'm inner monologue high
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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