are you still at the devil's house?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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