yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
