New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
