Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Did I show you my penis last night?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
