He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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