Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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