You're completely useless in the revolution.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize