One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
