when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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