Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The uberlube is also flammable
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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