I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
