i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
