I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
