the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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