I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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