I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
