I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
