You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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