after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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