I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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