So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
