his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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