dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You ate ashes out of my bong
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
