I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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