turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
