I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
