I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i think i just lost a toe
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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