did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
