i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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