Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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